Just wanna run

FishBreak™
Yuze
20
Raffles Junior College
26/04/1991

February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 April 2011 May 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012







To all my best friends: Love you all. Thanks for everything.

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I have so much to say; I don't know where to start - I guess, it's complicated.

At dinner today, somebody told me: army was the time when he thought about himself, others, life, and everything else. It was. I may not have many agreements on this, but I have to declare, proudly, that army was the best part of my life. It was through the toughest times, that I saw my flaws more clearly than I ever did; for which I fervently sought to improve. It was during that heavy downpour in the jungle, when I munched on a biscuit as if it was an exotic dish, that I forgot all my worries, and treasured my family and everything around me more than ever. I realized that Singaporeans are often too busy with life, and life, in all its complexities, is not a fast flowing stream. Sometimes, one needs to stop, and think; think about what has been achieved, and what have yet to be.

Now, I am on path to the next stage of my life. I have so much I want to do. I have too much to explore; and I will, slowly, gradually, but tastefully enjoy every bit of the marathon, that is life.

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Two weeks ago, I received an sms from someone I don't know. He told me that there is space in an orchestra. I was excited. I can finally perform, after a very long break, with some of the best friends I have ever made, whom I have gone through the toughest journeys and the most ecstatic moments with; yet I hesitated. I don't want to be drawn back into the music scene, for arcane reasons I could not put into words. But I decided to give it a try. And here I am, playing the bass once again.

I admit, this time it feels slightly different. Many of us are now in university. Many of us are working hard, in the real world, for our ambitions, for our dreams. But all of us are here for the passion we shared.

Strangely, this time, it is the music that pulled me in. As I grow, I begin to appreciate things around me more and more; classical music is not an exception. Still, orchestra is not where I belong. I am searching for something else, something culturally different, something that is for me.

Over the past few days, I have been thinking, again. I realized I was never truly happy in many things I do - I have made many wrong choices and bad decisions. However, I now know what I desire, what I seek, and I will hesitate no more.

Time passes. People come and go; it's time to move on. Perhaps, by the fickle probability of fate, one day I will meet someone who is exploring on a congruent plane, someone on the same page as me.

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Something is missing. I need guidance.

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